Saturday, July 16, 2011
I'm going to admit I don't get it. If you don't have the feelings I have about this religion you haven't felt the way I have about it. There is more light to see - I promise, and I beg of you to try and find it, or remember what you have felt before if you have felt it before - seek to expand on that. We should all be seeking to find truth, but more importantly, we should all be seeking to find happiness - true joy and inner peace inside.
To give a little background, I too have gone through this process. No, it wasn't just a matter of, as is common in my faith, praying and asking God if my faith is true or not when I was a kid, or even when I was older and receiving that "burning in my bosom" like others talk about in my religion. Yes, I've felt that, but like others I know we can easily deceive ourselves. The "burning in the bosom", to me just isn't enough to convince me of truth. It may be for some, but even those I encourage to keep seeking truth - it's not over when that happens.
I'm also going to admit there are definitely things that just don't make sense to me yet in my faith. I don't understand everything. I don't understand why the Church does some things it does. To be truthful to myself, I know there have been mistakes made by men in the history of the Church (at the same time I also know there have been many inspired men, which have made very correct decisions that become more evident over time). As a human being myself, I know I still make mistakes (we've all made mistakes, and we all learn to repent, some times over and over again - even the righteous David did this in the Bible). I also know our Savior was the only perfect being on the face of this earth. His Church could not be true unless its members were not perfect - His Church needs imperfect members that can repent, and take advantage of their Savior's atonement to grow, and learn from their mistakes. His Church needs imperfect members striving to do their best to learn to serve in the best manner they are capable.
That said, I've still had questions about the Church in the past. Trust me - I've heard it all. I've even had the same, very real contemplations before - "do I really believe in this? Maybe I really don't believe in this - there many things that don't make sense!" Having said that, every time I start going into that mode, I feel empty inside. There's something - something dark that takes over. In fact, it's not really anything taking over - it's that the light and happiness and peacefulness that was inside me leaves, leaving the darkness that is left behind. I really don't know what that is (My religion teaches this is the presence of the Holy Spirit that leaves), but it never feels good when I lose that light. I feel sad, and confused. Even more things don't make sense and I get even more sad and even more confused. I justify it, but that emptiness has never gone away when I have attempted to go down this path.
So here's why I believe: I believe because of the light this Gospel brings into my life. I believe because of the joy it gives me. I just haven't felt this anywhere else. I'll be first to admit that not all of it always makes sense - the Bible teaches us that there are "many mysteries of God." Even if you don't believe in the Bible or even God, I can't deny the feelings I have, and whether those are real or not (I believe they are), why would I ever give up these feelings and lose the joy this Gospel has brought me? How could I ever let anyone take this away from me? This is why I some times get offended when others try.
For those contemplating deciding the truth of this Church, see if you can seek ways to bring this light back into your life. Do good. Serve others. Read the Bible. Please, consider reading the Book of Mormon and don't just read it - see what you can truly learn from it. See what truths from it you can bring into your life, regardless of whether you're sure it's real or true or not. I'm of the belief that you can learn from anything if you put your heart to it. Pay attention to the light and happiness you feel inside and decide if this is something you want more of, or if you're okay losing it. Be completely honest with yourself.
Are you sad? Are you depressed in life? Do you still not feel "complete"? Maybe you're feeling what I felt. Seek the light I mentioned above and you will find it.
For me, I just can't lose these feelings or this light. I don't "just believe". I know these feelings are real. I know these things make me happy. I know they have made me a better person and have given me the direction I need to be the best person I can be. Most of all, I know these things all leave whenever I stop believing - I've seen this, and it's as real as day. No matter what these feelings are, this is the easiest way I've been able to bring joy into my life.
For that reason I don't "just believe". I know.
To be clear, I don't know everything. I don't know all the whys, or hows. I've never seen God in person, nor do I fully understand "an afterlife" (although I do think there are ways science could support it - maybe I'll talk about that later). I do appreciate the vision of an afterlife this religion teaches, and I know it applies to all. I do know the feelings, and the light I've felt. I know the happiness that has brought me. I know the fruits that have come from me paying attention to that light. If I find any better place that strengthens that light or grows it further, I'll follow it wholeheartedly, but right now I've found nothing that has done that for me so far. This is the best thing I've got, and I'm going to embrace it.
I only hope and pray that others can feel this too - it is something you just can't explain until you have experienced it for yourself. If you haven't - find it!
These statements are my own opinion and not necessarily those of the organization I work for.